Day 27

Calories burned at the gym this morning: 869

I got a text first thing this morning from Shelayna telling me that she forgot that the gym opened later on Saturday and she was heading down to SLC with her roommate at 9, so she couldn't come. I was disappointed, because I really love going to the gym with Shelayna. It makes it so much more fun. Even on days when its not fun, its still bearable. However, I do have my own membership now, so I just went by myself. At this point I need to back up a little bit. Most of the time, the temperature in the gym is just about right. But there have been a couple of times when it was pretty hot. I asked the front desk girl about it once and she said that it just depends on how  many people are in there. More sweaty ppl = higher overall temperature. Today was really crowded. I couldn't find a treadmill underneath an A/C vent or a fan, so I just had to take what I could get. I set it at a jogging pace on a "forest trail" mode that adjusts the incline steadily up a hill. Then I plugged my headphones into the little box they have that you can use to listen to the t.v.'s up on the wall. I then commenced jogging. Things were going pretty well for about 10 seconds, then I thought I felt a small shock in my ear. Perplexed, I kept on jogging. It wasn't long until I got another small shock, and then right after that a really big shock. I actually felt moisture in my ears and took out my headphones to see if my ears were bleeding. They weren't, but I decided to unplug my headphones from that box anyways. I just listened to my ipod after that. I would have told the front desk girls about it, but we've told them about the treadmills shocking us before just through our legs and I'm not sure they could have cared any less. As I kept jogging, things were fine for a few minutes, then I started feeling really hot. And I started sweating. More than just a little. A lot. I was literally drenching the top 1/4 of my shirt. I felt as though I were running laps in a sauna. After my 20 minutes on there were finally up, I was not looking so good. They call Planet Fitness the "Judgment free zone", but I'll tell you right now that's crap. I judge people in there all the time. Like the eeky guy. And the girl who was blowing death breath right in my face during the circuit the other day. A couple of signs declaring the area "judgment free" are not going to alter human nature. And today, I know I was being judged. Because, I went straight from the treadmill to the circuit, where I just sweated more. I'm hoping I gained a few points in the judger's eyes, though. Unlike eeky guy, I disinfected the machines after using them. After the circuit, I hopped in my car. On my way home I started thinking about how I still felt pretty good. I decided that I should change that. So, as soon as I got home I started out for a couple mile jog around my neighborhood. This went well, until I started hacking up a lung. It was at this point that I noticed the all familiar haze in the valley. Also, my head was starting to ache and I felt really cold. I was wearing a warm up jacket, but it was below freezing and I was still soaked in sweat. I jogged about half of the time and then gimped the rest. I did in fact succeed in my quest to stop feeling so energetic.

But, the whole judging thing got me thinking today. I decided there are quite a few things that most people don't know about me. I'm going to share some of these now:

• My favorite candy are the specially made peanut butter cups, but Reeses are great, too.
• I was convinced for half of my childhood that I was going to marry Zac Hanson, the drummer in Hanson. Although I've let go of that dream, I can still sing along with every word on their CD Middle of Nowhere.

• I've always been a naturally happy person. It wasn't until after I got heavier that I learned to be the slightly offbeat, funny one. It's better to be thought of firstly as the comic relief, rather than just the fat girl.
• I love the ocean and lakes, but hate going to the beach because A: I'm never seriously self-conscious, except when I'm in a swimsuit. And B: I've got hundreds of generations of ancestors from every country you can think of with pasty, white people. I burn every time I go to the beach, without fail. And I'm not talking about a sissy, itchy, red rash. I get big time, epic blisters. Once, when I was twelve, I forgot to reapply sunscreen at Bear Lake and had blisters the size of baseballs on my back. 
• I love hiking, but dislike the Wind Caves hike, which is the one everyone always wants to go on. It's on the exposed side of the friggin' mountain with the sun beating down on you 80% of the time. Then, once you get there, the tunnel is on a good slant and filled with a thin layer of sand and empties out directly off a huge cliff. I don't have nearly enough confidence in my balance to mess with that crap. And yet, I've gone on that hike more times than I can count on both hands. The next time someone asks me to go on that hike, I'll say yes. But seriously, I know of much better hikes.

One of many hikes that are much better than the wind caves

• In second grade there was a boy who picked on me a lot. One day we were waiting to be let inside the room by my teacher. I can't remember what this boy said to me, but I finally snapped. In the only real act of violence I can remember in my life, I grabbed him and hooked him by his backpack on the door handle. Then I kicked him right in the most vicious place you could ever kick a boy. I will never forget the look of shock on the teacher's face when she heard what had happened and who was responsible. I found out in high school that this boy had a huge crush on me all through elementary school. My mom told me that he requested to be in my classes and be my Valentine's Tea partner. I've felt guilty ever since.
• I hate the taste of uncooked carrots
• As a young teen, I dreamed of piercings on my nose, lip, and belly button, and tattoos on my ankle, wrist, back, and upper arm. I dyed my hair pink. Then I found the Gospel. All I can say is, now that I'm grown and a lot less stupid, I'm glad I didn't do any permanent damage. Well, other than the psychological damage associated with having a psychotic teen that was done to my parents.

My friend Ashley and I during my rebellious stage

• One of my favorite things to do is turn up my music and dance like a fool around my room. I've been doing this most of my life.
• I had very short hair for years. I loved it, but I got bored of it and then suddenly got it stuck in my head that between not being seen dating many guys and my short 'do, I was going to be perceived as a lesbian. I've been growing it out for a couple years now, and love playing with it.
• I've dated several guys, but only really loved one. This was also the only one who made me feel completely loved, beautiful, and appreciated. This was also the one who broke my heart once when he broke things off with me by informing me he'd already been dating someone else for months and had felt too guilty to tell me. This is the one who broke my heart a second time when, three years later, he joyfully and sincerely told me that he loved me just like a sister and his very best friend. This is the one whose heart I broke when, a year later, I told him we couldn't see each other at all anymore because he was getting married and I was in love with him. This is the one who made me wish he'd just punched me instead of disgustedly spitting out the words, "Is this what you do to all of your friends who get married?" To which I replied, "No, but I've never been in love with any of them." This is the one who sneered at me and shook his head as he got out of my car for last time on a frigid winter day as I fell apart in my car watching him walk away for the last time. This is one that I still think very highly of, but have never regretted my decision to not complicate things for him, his wonderful wife, and I further down the road.

I blurred his face a bit, in case any common friends stumble upon this

• It sounds stupid, but I really can't help but smile every single time I see a bubble floating past, even if its just from my shampoo or dish soap.
• I pace a lot. Especially when I'm talking on the phone or anxiously thinking. Unless I just finished wrapping up the vacuum cord, there is always a matted down oval in my bedroom carpet.

There you have it. A bunch of things that most of you didn't know. Likely also a bunch of things that most of you don't care to know. But that's just tough for you. My blog. I do what I want. I know you'll judge me. Judger.

Reading back through several of my posts, I realize that the quality of some is, quite simply, awful. Sorry about that. It's kind of hit and miss here. I try to come up with good stuff every day, but there are times when I'm tired, or distracted, or rushed. So ya, hopefully I don't lose too many of you on my off days.

Last night I had tilapia, a small nuked potato, and a salad with balsamic vinaigrette.

 To anyone who has not tried tilapia, get on it. Any kind of seasoning or rub with lime is great. And then sprinkle some lime juice on top. And maybe some other spices. But, did I mention lime?

Another dance party with the friends tonight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go limber up my groove thang.