Day 22

Calories burned at the gym today: 614

Today I feel down. Because my weight did not go down this week. In fact, it went up by a half pound. I know that at some point my body has got to stop resisting and give up this unhealthy fat, but weeks like this are seriously tough. I'm still not even considering giving up, but this is a very emotional time for me. Losing weight is changing what I had come to accept as who I am. But, then I figured out that I'm better than that. I was not made to be abused my anyone, and that includes by myself. That's exactly what I've been doing by settling into terrible eating habits and inactivity. I'm not sure that anyone who hasn't been through the weight loss roller coaster can fully understand the heartache that comes after a week of putting everything you've got and then some into your effort to lose weight and finding out that you have moved a bit in the opposite direction. It was all I could do to fight back tears. I know that there are multiple normal, healthy factors that contributed to me gaining a half pound this week rather than losing, but it still really sucks.
Then I got a text from Shelayna telling me that she is sick today. I sat down for about ten minutes on the edge of my bed, and then I made the decision that I was going to go to the gym and get my own membership and go by myself today. Because today, possibly more than any day so far, I needed to go to the gym.
So I went and I ran for 25 minutes on the treadmill, along with some weight training.
I felt a bit better after that, and then I remembered something that I saw a few months ago that was part of what inspired me to change my life in the first place. I came home and looked it back up. And this is when my tears came. Because I want this so bad that it hurts. And after watching this video again I was reminded why I'm doing this, and, most importantly, that I really can do this. I just have to keep going.

And so I will.