Day 29

Calories burned at the gym today: 577


Weigh in day! For those of you who made it to the end of yesterday's short novel of a post, you were rewarded with my happy news a day early.

20 pounds!!!

That's right, I've knocked out 1/5th of my goal within the first month! It is going to get progressively harder to lose weight as I get more and more fit, so I'm enjoying this now, but trying to keep a realistic view on everything. I'd love to say that I'll be reaching my goal by summer, but it will more likely be around Halloween, or so. But this is a great jump start on things!

So, I wasn't really feeling it this morning. I had to drag myself out of bed and to the gym. I also took some pictures, but after much debate, I've decided to post them later. Because I will be more proud of these ones later, because they will represent where I was, not where I am. I decided to be bold and wear a Downeast shirt. They hide nothing. However, now that I'm looking at the pictures, I just can't bring myself to post them right now. But, I will at some point. Feel free to hold me to that.

So, inspiring me to be athletic can be very dangerous for my health. Let me share a story that I believe demonstrates my point perfectly.

It all began when I was 16. I was watching the 2004 Olympics in Athens on tv. I had been watching the events intently for days. I particularly enjoyed gymnastics and track events. I watched as person after person threw themselves around in ways that I'd never even considered. It is also worth mentioning that this was at the height of my Buffy days. Finally, one night, after some particularly inspiring events, I was feeling energized. I believed that since I was a relatively healthy teenager, I was capable of everything I had been watching, I just had to try. It was with thoughts such as this, that I stopped in the doorway to my room and stared at my bunk bed. Since I've always been paranoid of falling off of the top, it had a nice railing on the side. Suddenly, I had a vision of myself taking a few running steps, leaping vertical and sideways while grabbing the railing and flinging myself onto the top bunk.Wild eyed, I decided to act on this dream. I took a couple long running steps forward and then leaped off of the ground. I grabbed the railing in mid-air and quickly rotated my body sideways as I flew up. I couldn't believe it! I was doing it! If I could do this, I could do anything!!!! I was the master of my young fate. Doors that I never knew existed were opening to me in one beautiful instant!

And then it happened.

I felt my foot connect with something that was not my mattress. I heard the sound of millions of tiny bells ringing in a clamorous symphony of terror. At the same moment, the room became dimmer. Startled, the railing left my grasp. I caught two quick frantic finger-fulls of bedding before I began my descent. This is where I caught back up to real time. I came down fast and hard, landing on my upper back. There was a throbbing pain there to match one in my foot and a few other stinging sensations that I hadn't identified yet. I was still trying to figure out what the noise has been. Staring up, I began to piece together what had just happened. I had managed to kick the glass cover of my ceiling light clear off. It had landed safely in the carpet off to the side, unbroken. The same could not be said for two of the three light bulbs. They had completely shattered. I was lying on top of and under thousands of glass shards. I only had a couple noticeable cuts from that, but I felt the invisible microscopic ones for long after. I delicately made my way out of my room and then returned to shamefully clean up the hazmat, that was a physical representation of my athleticism.

So, while being healthier is definitely an attainable goal for me, I'm thinking I might still steer clear of any inspiration to become a true athlete. I'll leave that to Buffy and the Olympians.

Day 28

First off, please notice that all you have to do to let me know how you feel about my posts now is to click one of three boxes at the bottom of each post. It is anonymous, so feel free to be honest.

One definite advantage to being a very religious LDS girl on a diet, is that I can be as busy as I want on Sundays. This means that I won't be sitting around my house all day thinking about food and nibbling at food and dreaming about food. Instead, I was on the move from 10am-8pm, with a short break for lunch at 2 and a snack at 6.

This morning I also put on one of my favorite dresses that I'd stopped wearing as frequently because it was no longer very flattering on me. It looked great! It looked better on me today than it did when I bought it last year. I walked into church filled with confidence, and people noticed. I had a couple of people who didn't know about my goal say that I was looking especially pretty today. Here's the thing: I felt pretty. I'm finally beginning to feel like I can be pretty in the traditional sense. You know, the kind of person that you use words like, "pretty" and "beautiful" when describing them to someone they've never met. I've always been, "cute". Without fail. Cute is not bad. But the "cute" girls don't ever get guys. They're the ones who have several million friends who are girls, partly because girls are not intimidated by them. I admit that this has been a mixed blessing in my life. I truly love making new friends. I love talking to girls. I have no problem with it. Stick me in a room with almost any 5 girls for an hour, and I can be-friend at least 4 of them.

Now, men on the other hand....oh boy. This is a very different story. I've always had a fiercely difficult time communicating with guys. The conversations usually go something like this:

Me: Hi!!! overeager smile

That's me. The awkward one.

Male: Hi. (Insert nice ice breaker)
Me: (Insert attempt to be funny intermixed with manic giggling)
Male: (Insert innocent attempt to get the conversation going)
Me: (Insert rambling story told at a fast pace with a sprinkling of TMI)
Male: nods and tries to look attentive while coming up with an escape plan
Me: (Insert Taaaaalking....... Trying to draw out some information about male)
Male: (Insert polite responses and plentiful glances at others walking past)
Me: (Insert mindless jabber. Usually about here is where I just start spitting out random things that flow in my head but come out awful)
Male: Oh hey! Greg! I need to talk to you! It was nice to chat with you....errrr......
Me: Stephanie.
Male: Oh yeah! See ya around! Begins conversation with Greg
Me: Stands awkwardly in same spot left by male, looking around at everyone already immersed in conversations and fighting that awful feeling in my gut that makes my eyes water and cheeks burn with embarrassment and reminds me why I don't talk to guys


So, yeah. I lack skills. I've been getting better in some aspects recently, and there are some guys who give me a chance past the extremely awkward stage. Those ones usually figure out that, while still awkward by nature, I can be fun to have around. Unfortunately, a lot of guys take my ineptitude to mean that I'm interested in them to the point of brain failure. The fact is, this happens 80% of the time, whether I'm attracted to the guy, or not. Sometimes it randomly happens with guys I've known for long periods of time.

This phenomena is particularly evident at church. 

I had a period of time when I did a little better. I actually really talked to a handful of guys at church. We had a very small singles ward at the time. I got along with everyone and just figured that none of the guys were asking out girls in our ward. I was blissfully ignorant for a couple years. Then, one day, I heard a few girls complaining about how they just wanted all the guys at church to leave them alone. These girls were getting asked out at least once a week. So I casually brought it up with more girls and found out that most of the girls had been asked out at least a couple of times. That's when the harsh reality hit me. The guys all knew who I was, but not a single one of them was at all interested in me. That was when I stopped talking to guys at church. I knew that I was not as attractive as any of the girls I'd been around for years, so I stopped trying. In a way, it had its benefits. I was really going to church to focus on strengthening my relationship with God. But, it wasn't until today that I realized that it had gotten to the point where I didn't look guys in the eye when they opened the door for me or passed me in the hall. The most I would do were mumbled thank you's and excuse me's, or sorry's when I bumped into them. And yet, I thought I had a grip on my self-esteem. It wasn't until today, after meeting several guys in the eye at church and smiling and saying an audible hello, that I realized how ridiculous I had become. Thinking about it now has honestly been a painful realization. I can't help but feel some remorse for all of my lost time. I still haven't ever been asked out by any guys that I've known from church, but if there were any chances over the last couple years, I've scared them away or simply not noticed their trying to make eye contact with me. This new surge of confidence is a new day for me. There's a very good chance I still won't ever be asked out by any of the guys at church, but I will meet them in the eyes and smile at them, given the chance. I'm certain there are great guys there that would make great friends, if nothing else.

Working on my conversation skills is going to take some real practice and effort on my part to go out of my comfort zone. But this is my renaissance. This is the time to seriously evaluate things in my life that I could change to make life more satisfying and just plain better. Because you know what, if I can lose twenty pounds in one month, I feel like I can do just about anything. Woops, did I let that slip a day before weigh in?

My bad. Just got a little excited there, I guess.

Also, I know today wasn't very funny (With the exception of the line about brain failure. I cracked myself up on that one.). I'll try to make up for that tomorrow. Pinky swear.

Day 27

Calories burned at the gym this morning: 869

I got a text first thing this morning from Shelayna telling me that she forgot that the gym opened later on Saturday and she was heading down to SLC with her roommate at 9, so she couldn't come. I was disappointed, because I really love going to the gym with Shelayna. It makes it so much more fun. Even on days when its not fun, its still bearable. However, I do have my own membership now, so I just went by myself. At this point I need to back up a little bit. Most of the time, the temperature in the gym is just about right. But there have been a couple of times when it was pretty hot. I asked the front desk girl about it once and she said that it just depends on how  many people are in there. More sweaty ppl = higher overall temperature. Today was really crowded. I couldn't find a treadmill underneath an A/C vent or a fan, so I just had to take what I could get. I set it at a jogging pace on a "forest trail" mode that adjusts the incline steadily up a hill. Then I plugged my headphones into the little box they have that you can use to listen to the t.v.'s up on the wall. I then commenced jogging. Things were going pretty well for about 10 seconds, then I thought I felt a small shock in my ear. Perplexed, I kept on jogging. It wasn't long until I got another small shock, and then right after that a really big shock. I actually felt moisture in my ears and took out my headphones to see if my ears were bleeding. They weren't, but I decided to unplug my headphones from that box anyways. I just listened to my ipod after that. I would have told the front desk girls about it, but we've told them about the treadmills shocking us before just through our legs and I'm not sure they could have cared any less. As I kept jogging, things were fine for a few minutes, then I started feeling really hot. And I started sweating. More than just a little. A lot. I was literally drenching the top 1/4 of my shirt. I felt as though I were running laps in a sauna. After my 20 minutes on there were finally up, I was not looking so good. They call Planet Fitness the "Judgment free zone", but I'll tell you right now that's crap. I judge people in there all the time. Like the eeky guy. And the girl who was blowing death breath right in my face during the circuit the other day. A couple of signs declaring the area "judgment free" are not going to alter human nature. And today, I know I was being judged. Because, I went straight from the treadmill to the circuit, where I just sweated more. I'm hoping I gained a few points in the judger's eyes, though. Unlike eeky guy, I disinfected the machines after using them. After the circuit, I hopped in my car. On my way home I started thinking about how I still felt pretty good. I decided that I should change that. So, as soon as I got home I started out for a couple mile jog around my neighborhood. This went well, until I started hacking up a lung. It was at this point that I noticed the all familiar haze in the valley. Also, my head was starting to ache and I felt really cold. I was wearing a warm up jacket, but it was below freezing and I was still soaked in sweat. I jogged about half of the time and then gimped the rest. I did in fact succeed in my quest to stop feeling so energetic.

But, the whole judging thing got me thinking today. I decided there are quite a few things that most people don't know about me. I'm going to share some of these now:

• My favorite candy are the specially made peanut butter cups, but Reeses are great, too.
• I was convinced for half of my childhood that I was going to marry Zac Hanson, the drummer in Hanson. Although I've let go of that dream, I can still sing along with every word on their CD Middle of Nowhere.

• I've always been a naturally happy person. It wasn't until after I got heavier that I learned to be the slightly offbeat, funny one. It's better to be thought of firstly as the comic relief, rather than just the fat girl.
• I love the ocean and lakes, but hate going to the beach because A: I'm never seriously self-conscious, except when I'm in a swimsuit. And B: I've got hundreds of generations of ancestors from every country you can think of with pasty, white people. I burn every time I go to the beach, without fail. And I'm not talking about a sissy, itchy, red rash. I get big time, epic blisters. Once, when I was twelve, I forgot to reapply sunscreen at Bear Lake and had blisters the size of baseballs on my back. 
• I love hiking, but dislike the Wind Caves hike, which is the one everyone always wants to go on. It's on the exposed side of the friggin' mountain with the sun beating down on you 80% of the time. Then, once you get there, the tunnel is on a good slant and filled with a thin layer of sand and empties out directly off a huge cliff. I don't have nearly enough confidence in my balance to mess with that crap. And yet, I've gone on that hike more times than I can count on both hands. The next time someone asks me to go on that hike, I'll say yes. But seriously, I know of much better hikes.

One of many hikes that are much better than the wind caves

• In second grade there was a boy who picked on me a lot. One day we were waiting to be let inside the room by my teacher. I can't remember what this boy said to me, but I finally snapped. In the only real act of violence I can remember in my life, I grabbed him and hooked him by his backpack on the door handle. Then I kicked him right in the most vicious place you could ever kick a boy. I will never forget the look of shock on the teacher's face when she heard what had happened and who was responsible. I found out in high school that this boy had a huge crush on me all through elementary school. My mom told me that he requested to be in my classes and be my Valentine's Tea partner. I've felt guilty ever since.
• I hate the taste of uncooked carrots
• As a young teen, I dreamed of piercings on my nose, lip, and belly button, and tattoos on my ankle, wrist, back, and upper arm. I dyed my hair pink. Then I found the Gospel. All I can say is, now that I'm grown and a lot less stupid, I'm glad I didn't do any permanent damage. Well, other than the psychological damage associated with having a psychotic teen that was done to my parents.

My friend Ashley and I during my rebellious stage

• One of my favorite things to do is turn up my music and dance like a fool around my room. I've been doing this most of my life.
• I had very short hair for years. I loved it, but I got bored of it and then suddenly got it stuck in my head that between not being seen dating many guys and my short 'do, I was going to be perceived as a lesbian. I've been growing it out for a couple years now, and love playing with it.
• I've dated several guys, but only really loved one. This was also the only one who made me feel completely loved, beautiful, and appreciated. This was also the one who broke my heart once when he broke things off with me by informing me he'd already been dating someone else for months and had felt too guilty to tell me. This is the one who broke my heart a second time when, three years later, he joyfully and sincerely told me that he loved me just like a sister and his very best friend. This is the one whose heart I broke when, a year later, I told him we couldn't see each other at all anymore because he was getting married and I was in love with him. This is the one who made me wish he'd just punched me instead of disgustedly spitting out the words, "Is this what you do to all of your friends who get married?" To which I replied, "No, but I've never been in love with any of them." This is the one who sneered at me and shook his head as he got out of my car for last time on a frigid winter day as I fell apart in my car watching him walk away for the last time. This is one that I still think very highly of, but have never regretted my decision to not complicate things for him, his wonderful wife, and I further down the road.

I blurred his face a bit, in case any common friends stumble upon this

• It sounds stupid, but I really can't help but smile every single time I see a bubble floating past, even if its just from my shampoo or dish soap.
• I pace a lot. Especially when I'm talking on the phone or anxiously thinking. Unless I just finished wrapping up the vacuum cord, there is always a matted down oval in my bedroom carpet.

There you have it. A bunch of things that most of you didn't know. Likely also a bunch of things that most of you don't care to know. But that's just tough for you. My blog. I do what I want. I know you'll judge me. Judger.

Reading back through several of my posts, I realize that the quality of some is, quite simply, awful. Sorry about that. It's kind of hit and miss here. I try to come up with good stuff every day, but there are times when I'm tired, or distracted, or rushed. So ya, hopefully I don't lose too many of you on my off days.

Last night I had tilapia, a small nuked potato, and a salad with balsamic vinaigrette.

 To anyone who has not tried tilapia, get on it. Any kind of seasoning or rub with lime is great. And then sprinkle some lime juice on top. And maybe some other spices. But, did I mention lime?

Another dance party with the friends tonight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go limber up my groove thang.

Day 26

Calories burned at the gym today: 482

A bit over a week ago, Shelayna and I measured our waists. I think by that point I'd already lost at least an inch. Today, we started our first official measure day. We should be doing this every Friday. We measured waist, chest, hips, butt, and a thigh, however the only one I could reference to last time was my waist. It was 2 inches smaller than the last time I measured, 9 days ago. I put it in on my online food thing. I'm pretty stoked about this.

Today, Shelayna was having a struggle day. We were on the machines that we've affectionately titled "H***'s Gazelles"  because of the super strange way they move and how very effective they are. I'm not sure how to describe them, so I'll have to include a video sometime. They're like the psychotic love child of an elliptical and a stair-master.

So we were on these warped beasts when this happened:
Shelayna: "What is the purpose of these machines? I'm pretty sure it's just to make us look stupid."
Stephanie: "Well, they kind of mimic the motion of walking up the stairs."
Shelayna: "What, do you walk up the stairs like...... Who's that one guy who walks through the forest?"
Steph: "Huh?"
Shel: "You know, in movies he's always walking through the forest and then turning his head..."
Steph:  Confused stare

This goes in circles, until 3 minutes later...

Shel: " He's the guy who walks through the forest! He's mythical!"

That finally triggered the right answer in my head. She was thinking of this guy:

After that we went and worked on our abs.

Hot picture, eh? Shelayna said it makes me look skinny.

She took this one next. I think it works to prove I'm still not skinny.

Right after these were taken, I walked over to get the disinfectant and found Shelayna standing next to a small lake on the gym floor. I tried to tell her that there is a restroom around the corner, and if that's too far there's no shame in wearing Depends to the gym. She explained that someone had loosened the cap on the bottle, so it fell off when she picked it up, thus, the lake. Suddenly, I had a flash back to the last time I went to wipe down a machine. I had noticed that the cap was loose but had not bothered to tighten it. Immediately overcome by guilt I dropped down and helped her wipe up the suds.

This chart is pretty cool. I like how it shows that weight isn't the only factor in determining how you look. Very interesting to look through.

Day 25

Calories burned at gym today: 747

Happy Thursday, world!!! I really, truly feel fantastic today! I'm enjoying all the little things today to a ridiculous extent.

I love the colors of this fake plant that has been in that corner so long that I forgot it existed.

I think the last time I did multiple colors of nail polish at the same time, I was in high school. It makes me smile now.

Look at the natural light coming through my bathroom window. It's so beautiful and soothing.

I smiled when I put these on. They're so soft and fuzzy and warm. Made of awesome.

GREEN grass. At the end of January. Right in my own backyard.

Yet there's still snow that I can crunch through!

 What happy, little things are blending into your surroundings?

There's an eeky guy who's always at the gym. Always. He's a middle aged dude who grunts a lot while he's working out and wears a little tank top that he quickly soaks in sweat, and then does not wipe off any of the machines after he uses them. He also seems to enjoy the 30 minute circuit. Today Shelayna and I were running late (Yes, again. BUT we stayed later today!) and he managed to beat us to the circuit. So, after warming up on the bikes and doing the ab machines, we decided to switch things up a bit and do some work sans machines. We started out with ab work on the mats. I remembered one move that I did all the time when I lost weight as a teen. I remembered that it had a huge effect on my abs. I showed it to Shelayna and we did it for about a minute before I commented that I felt as though I looked something like this:

This workout quickly broke down in laughter. We then had a contest to see who could hold a plank position for longer. I lost (this time). We then did lunges, which made our regular trip to the thigh and butt weights machines a bit more intense than normal. Then Shelayna spied the medicine balls lying around and suggested we toss them back and forth. We thought it would be a good idea to squat when you throw and then squat when you catch. However, we could not coordinate hat between us to save our lives. I then started singing the Oompa Loompa song every time I'd squat down and come back up. This workout also ended in laughter. We then wrapped things up with a couple more weight machines and then 20 minutes on the treadmill.

I then came home, took a shower and noticed how beautiful the light coming in through the blinds in my bathroom is. I sang into my make up brush. Then I had a thought. This thought led me to dig out a pair of my old pants and try them on.

And then.... I buttoned and zipped them up!!! So I tried another pair, and they worked, too. So I tried on two more. There weren't any that I could not zip and button! Now, they are all still varying degrees of "snug", so it will still be a couple weeks before they make their public re-appearance, but the point is that I couldn't get close to making those fit before. This is progress. Dieting and working out is ridiculously easier when you're seeing results.

Are the drapes and blinds open at your place today? If not, get on it! It is such a gorgeous day!

Day 24

Calories burned at the gym today: 478

I had a very long night of sleep last night, but not long enough to satisfy the Nyquil. I felt alright when I got up, but soon realized that I was moving slower than normal and my mind was acting like it was trying to find my thoughts in a huge stack of index cards, so it could only focus on one at a time and slowly lumbered its way from one thought to the next. I've still got some of that haze, but not bad at all compared to at the gym this morning. I stumbled along at 2.5 mph for our warm up and then we hit the weights. I think my body may have been a bit numb, because I know for a fact that my pain tolerance was up today. So, in that aspect, going to the gym when you're high as a kite can be a good thing.
I must say, that I had some wildly psychedelic dreams last night. I'd love to describe more of it, but there just aren't words to contain the insanity. The most rational part, which is the part that has stuck with me the most, is that at one point I somehow used barbecue sauce instead of contact solution. Common enough mistake, right? I was also on vacation, so I couldn't just get knew ones right away and didn't have my glasses. So I was trying to wash the barbecue sauce out. However, anyone with contacts can tell you that contacts have a very definite limit to what you can put them through. My eyes hurt now just thinking about it.

It was my other rock star dress up day today, and I was all excited about documenting my co workers and I, so I charged my camera the night before and brought it to work. I then pulled it out of my purse and went to turn it on and nothing happened. I had forgotten to put the battery back in the camera!!! I made that and a few other fool mistakes today that I am fully blaming on lingering Nyquil. I took some pictures of just me when I got home, though, so anyway, there ya go.

Day 23

Calories burned at the gym today: 781

I have officially started down from my first plateau! I lost 1 1/2 pounds overnight! Woooooooohooo! Hopefully I can get in a couple more weeks of quality weight loss before I hit my next plateau.

I feel like I need to send a shout out. I want to recognize this person and shout out their amazing charity, but I know they wouldn't want that. But this person is such an inspiration to me that I really want to share one of their actions so that hopefully others will be inspired to do what they can for those around them. Last night there was a knock on my door. A friend that I don't see often enough was there with a small gift and a heartfelt card. They said that they read my blog every day and that they wanted to cheer me up after my rough week. I am seriously so amazingly blessed. I have no idea what I've done to deserve such incredible people in my life, but I am truly grateful. I sincerely hope that one day I can be half as unselfish and charitable as this person. I have to admit, it's never really crossed my mind after seeing a downer blog post to go to the person's house and cheer that person up. I now have something else I can work on doing to improve myself.

I am starting to see some changes in my body. It is becoming increasingly obvious which parts I am working and which parts still think they are on a life-long vacation. I'm worried I am going to be horrifically proportioned, like unto this:

Cue shiver of terror.

And that is, to say the least, not what I'm aiming for. 

I thought I was past my battle with the uncommon cold, but tonight has proven me wrong. I feel like poo and I'm getting dizzy just lying here in bed typing this. Don't worry, I'm not short on nutrients or food. It was a 1,500 calorie day. Half the kids I regularly work with at my job are currently carrying some brand of the cold, or malaria, or polio, or leprosy, or the bubonic plague. I was bound to catch any or all of them eventually. Thus, I will be knocking back a good sized cocktail of Nyquil and vitamins at 8:30 and giving my body 10 hours to fight a heroic battle to at least get this on the run through tomorrow. Because tomorrow is rock star dress up day in my club at work. We will be shooting the younger kids' music videos. Unless I am in the process of losing a limb to one of the aforementioned diseases, or projectile vomiting, I will walk, wheel, or crawl myself to work tomorrow, wearing a mask and gloves, if I must, to save others. Because, dangit, I am a rock star.

The guy whose inspiring video I posted yesterday has a blog called  http://bendoeslife.tumblr.com/ . He can be pretty hilarious. Recently he posted a list on his site that made me laugh super hard. So, obviously, I am going to share it:

10 Superficial Reasons to Lose Weight. Because we can’t always be politically correct.

• You don’t have to pull the seatbelt as far to click it.
• Let’s be honest, chub-rub sucks.
• Far fewer sweat stains.
• Cartwheels are much easier (and graceful).
• No more pulling the shirt out of fat rolls when you sit down. (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.)
• People don’t eyeball you questioningly when you take the last cookie/slice of pizza.
• You can put your shoes on like a normal person. For those of you that have never been obese, trust us, it’s really really hard to put shoes on.
• No more fat-tax ($2 for XXL and up shirts)
• No more pretending like you’re wearing a T-shirt over your bathing suit to “prevent sunburns.”
• Floors don’t creak as loudly. Sneaking up on people is much easier.

In the spirit of being a fair and balanced blogger, I will now list the reasons to stay fat.

• If you’re riding with friends in a two-door car, you always get shotgun, because everyone knows there’s no way you’re getting into the backseat without tearing some ligaments.

But even still, the lose-weight side wins convincingly 10-1. Let’s keep moving.

Day 22

Calories burned at the gym today: 614

Today I feel down. Because my weight did not go down this week. In fact, it went up by a half pound. I know that at some point my body has got to stop resisting and give up this unhealthy fat, but weeks like this are seriously tough. I'm still not even considering giving up, but this is a very emotional time for me. Losing weight is changing what I had come to accept as who I am. But, then I figured out that I'm better than that. I was not made to be abused my anyone, and that includes by myself. That's exactly what I've been doing by settling into terrible eating habits and inactivity. I'm not sure that anyone who hasn't been through the weight loss roller coaster can fully understand the heartache that comes after a week of putting everything you've got and then some into your effort to lose weight and finding out that you have moved a bit in the opposite direction. It was all I could do to fight back tears. I know that there are multiple normal, healthy factors that contributed to me gaining a half pound this week rather than losing, but it still really sucks.
Then I got a text from Shelayna telling me that she is sick today. I sat down for about ten minutes on the edge of my bed, and then I made the decision that I was going to go to the gym and get my own membership and go by myself today. Because today, possibly more than any day so far, I needed to go to the gym.
So I went and I ran for 25 minutes on the treadmill, along with some weight training.
I felt a bit better after that, and then I remembered something that I saw a few months ago that was part of what inspired me to change my life in the first place. I came home and looked it back up. And this is when my tears came. Because I want this so bad that it hurts. And after watching this video again I was reminded why I'm doing this, and, most importantly, that I really can do this. I just have to keep going.

And so I will.

Day 21

It looks like there's a 5K for Health Days in Smithfield in the middle of May. I haven't talked to the running partner yet, but I think that might be the one we shoot for.

I was thinking today about fruit that I do and don't like. I love strawberries, watermelon, raspberries, and certain kinds of apples, like Fiji.

Another perfectly good bowl of fruit, ruined

 

I hate blueberries, red delicious or green apples, honeydew, and cantaloupe. 

Blueberries may seem like an odd fruit to feel strongly against, but I do. It's because, no matter how much you wash and scrub them, they still look and taste dirty to me. I'm not sure how else to explain it. They're like eating little dirt clods to me.



I've been told before that I'm not generally perceived as a very "fat" person, and that part of this may be because I "don't walk like one." Now for the irony. I realized that in order to keep my loose pants up, I have to spread my legs a little more apart as I walk, thus doing more of a "fat" person walk. I really can't wait to wear clothes that fit again.

It was another cold, winter day today. However, sitting inside on the couch, staring at the lazy clouds floating by in a perfect blue sky through the window, I couldn't help but smile and go into summer mode for a little while.

Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere without winter. But, not really. Because winter has it's purpose. Mainly it's to help us fully appreciate summer.

Day 20

Calories burned at the gym today: 887

I made it to 20!
Really, I don't have a ton to say today.
I just have one short story about what happened this morning. Shelayna and I decided to get to the gym at our normal 6:15am, even though it's a Saturday. The gym is really crowded on Saturdays and we wanted to beat the masses to the treadmills. Shelayna there before I did, so right as I was tying my shoes I got a call that went something like this:
"Hello?"
"Steph, I just got here and you're not going to believe this. It's closed."
"Wait, what?"
"Well, I thought it looked dark when I was pulling in here, and then I checked the door and it says that it doesn't open until 7 on Saturday mornings."
"So, basically we are now more ambitious than the gym."
"Heck. Yes."
"That's encouraging."
"I'm sorry, what was that? I'm thinking there might be mass casualties somewhere nearby. There are a ton of emergency vehicles going past."
"At this time in the morning in this town? There's a cat treed somewhere."
"Well, I dunno, I mean there are seriously so many..."
"Trust me. They send 3 cops to pull over a crying 16 year old girl in the middle of the day. I don't care how many of them you see going past you right now, it's a cat."
"..............."
 "So, I'll see ya at 7?"
"Oh, ya. I'll be here...."

Eventually we did get into the gym and kicked some serious bootay.

Day 19

So, Shelayna mentioned today that she'd like to know how many calories we're burning at the gym everyday. I put in every detail of my workout onto the online program I'm using, and it calculates how many calories I'm burning based on the intensity and time of the activity, as well as my weight and stuff. Until now I've been hoarding that information to myself, however Shelayna would like an estimate of how much she's burning, too, since we always do very close to the same workout as each other. I agreed with her that the easiest way to do that would be to post it on here. It will also help keep me motivated to keep pushing myself, because it's more accountability! I figure I'll just start putting it in at the beginning of my posts from here on out.

Calories burned at the gym today: 1,039
Total calories burned at gym so far this week: 2,880

That's right, we've burned off about 2 of the last 5 days worth of calories. This was our 5th day in a row at the gym. A couple of those days we cut ourselves short on time and ended up burning around 300 or fewer calories, but the point is we went. Besides, the way I've been eating, burning off 300 calories is close to burning off one whole meal for the day.

So, you'd think that with all of these facts, I would now be segueing into how I've lost another dozen pounds this week and I feel like a champ! But, you'd be wrong.

I have not lost a single ounce so far this week. You think I'm joking, but I'm completely serious. Every morning I've weighed myself when I get up and the pounds and the ounces are exactly the same. You'd think it would at least vary a smidgen based on how much I peed after I got up, but no. Nada. Nothing.

I have reached my first plateau.

I'm not going to pretend that this doesn't get me down a bit. I knew going into this that there are going to be ups and downs. But i was doing so well. And, if anything, I've been working harder this week. I can't help but feel like I've failed somewhere in here.

But I am NOT giving up!!  

Oh heeeeck no, I am not. Has this week sucked? Without a doubt! But this is a plateau. The thing about plateaus is that, by definition, they have edges. That's what I'm working for right now. I do know that this is about the big picture. And the big picture is just getting started, but already looking great. Because, even if I don't end up losing an ounce by weigh in on Monday, I will still weigh 15 pounds less than I did 3 weeks ago! Huzzah!

Now, for something that I alluded to a few days ago. Shelayna brought up doing a 5K in spring. At the time, I told her I would think about it, and that is precisely what I've been doing a lot of. Today, we decided to warm up for 15 minutes on the treadmills. I wanted to see how much of that time I could spend jogging on an incline. After walking for 2 minutes to wake myself up, I set the machine to 4.5 at a 4% incline, and I kept it there for the next 13 minutes, until it was time to move on. It was then that I realized something: I could have kept on going. After slowing down to a walk and getting my breathing to the point where I could talk in sentences again, I turned to Shelayna and said something that put a huge smile on her face, "Let's do it. I want to do the 5K. I think I can work to it by early May."

Now, we're going to be looking into the 5K's that are available around here around that time. She mentioned that we could walk one of them just to get a feel for it first, but honestly, I think we could jog it.

Lower your lap-bars and shoulder harnesses and keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, friends. This ride is just getting started.

Day 18

Alright, so I think I'm fairly certain there is currently a courageous battle occurring inside of me between my immune system and a fierce cold. I also believe that right now the good guys are losing. They have been fighting hard and fending it off for a week now, but I'm getting more tired and my throat is getting scratchy. Worst of all, my body is getting that generally weak feeling that you get when you're sick. The feeling where you just ache, and not in the good exercising way. That kind of aching leaves me wanting more, and feeling motivated to go race wild horses or something stupid like that. This kind of ache makes me want to be promptly buried underneath every blanket I and my eight closest neighbors own and not come out until, well, ever. So if I come off more whiny or just sucky than usual, I beg your pardon, kind patrons of my blog.

In other news: Henna! Don't mind my awe inspiring legs that are an unnatural shade of white that would make factory workers for Elmer's glue avert their eyes in pain. I sketched a basis for what I wanted on a note pad and then handed it over to my artistically inclined friend, Nate. I was his first henna project, and I think it turned out pretty darn well. I'm not one to ever permanently ink my skin, but this is more like makeup, just a temporary decoration. I went big on it because I figure that it's winter and no one will see this part of my anatomy unless I want them to. Here's a link for anyone who is unfamiliar with henna.

And now for something that made me laugh today:

I've been thinking about why it could be that even though I am undeniably obese, and have been for most of my life, with a history of high blood pressure in my family, and yet I am really quite healthy. Particularly my heart health has surprised me. I think that the main reason is that I laugh a whole lot. They say that as people grow up they gradually laugh less and less frequently. I'm not sure that I laugh a whole lot less than your average kid. All of you who've spent more than 5 minutes talking with me know that.

• Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
• Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

I found those on this site. If you're at all curious, you should check it out. Really, people, if you don't laugh all that much right now, make a conscious effort to change that. You can start when you're alone. Force laughter when something is remotely funny. Let your mind run away with the humor of situations. I know that some of you don't believe it, but your life is hilarious! Think back on your day. When a lot of people do that, they have the tendency to sum up their day by the stressful situations they find themselves in. I do that, too. But, please, try not to. Think back on little things today. Dwell on the details. I promise you that everyday gives you plenty of opportunities to laugh. Be on the look out for them, and don't let a single one get past you.

Day 17

I discovered a new skill today: Taking my pants off and putting them back on without undoing my belt. Yet, my other belt still doesn't fit. This is getting critical.

Also, I have been in a rotten mood today. If my bed wasn't up against the wall, thus rendering this impossible, I would say that I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. As is, I'm not sure what to blame it on. It's not my, er-hem, womanliness. I'm not certain if it's just my body continuing to adapt to the new changes. It also could have been the half hour less of sleep I got since we decided on a 6:00am gym time instead of 6:30, like we have been doing. But whatever it is, I hope I can shake it fast. About two decades earlier in my life, this day would have been one that called for excessive kicking down and destroying of block towers and other temporary structures. As it stands, I had to find some other way to shake some of the grump. The way that I found today was a new blog/ comic/ thing that I discovered today. This post in particular had me almost doubled over, laughing. Check it out: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

In other news, Lean Cuisines were on an amazing sale this week, so we got a lot of them. Basically one of every kind. Growing up, I ate a whole lot of frozen food. Then, when I dieted as a teen, I practically lived off of frozen diet meals. I have a grave understanding of just how bad some frozen dinners can be. For the record, I despise Healthy Choice. I'd rather eat the container that most of their things come in than the actual product. Lean cuisine, on the other hand, has a higher standard. I've decided to review some Lean Cuisine meals, because I realize that some of ya'll would like to diet, but are super busy and afraid of the limited food options available to you. I have to give fair warning: These meals are reviewed by someone who is on a diet. I don't eat anything fried or greasy, and very few breaded things. I don't really know how to explain it, but things taste different when you're on a diet. It's like your taste buds lower their standards. So, if you are dieting, or planning on dieting, great!! These reviews are for you! However, if you just stopped by Wendy's for lunch and are casually perusing the frozen foods section for dinner, you may be disappointed.
And so, with no further ado, I bring you...

 Lean Cuisines that don't suck (and warnings of ones that really do)

Butternut Squash Ravioli: C+. I had high hopes for this one. It looked delicious! But, as I ate it, I couldn't help but feel that something was missing. I could never really put my finger on it, but as a whole I still felt unsatisfied when I finished this one. Probably not one I'll buy again.

Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes: D. I have a confession. I am a mashed potatoes purist. The best mashed potatoes are when the skin is left on and there are still a small scattering of tiny bits of potato in there. So, basically you don't just whip them to a paste and they definitely never, ever, ever have been dehydrated. The potatoes in this one were so bad that I had no idea whether they had ever been dehydrated or not, and they were very pasty. The meatloaf was mediocre, at best. This is not one I'd recommend to anyone other than a stray dog.

Enchiladas with Rice: B. This one is an old standby for me. It feels like a full meal. Even better, the creamy sauce on the enchilada makes it feel like I'm cheating. My only complaint on this one is that the "chicken" filling always looks slightly suspect, to me. But it tastes great, and I recommend it.






BBQ Chicken Pizza: A-. This is just about as good as frozen diet food gets!  I really love the taste on this one. When done correctly, the crust is the perfect texture. The chicken is not chewy, which is more than I can say for most frozen chicken. If you're going to try just one Lean Cuisine, for now this would be my suggestion.

Day 16

Down 15 poun

           So, here are some pictures, sorry, day late. 

85 to go!

I put them next to the first pictures. I know that you have to account for blurriness and baggy sweater, but I am starting to see a little change. I guess you might have to just take my word on it for now.

Day 0

15 blurry pounds ago

I did end up making fish tacos last night. I loosely followed the recipe that I linked, but I adapted it to be lower fat and because I didn't have some of the things it called for. I'm also not going to include exact measurements, because different people have very different tastes, and I didn't even get it quite right for my tastes this time. BUT, I know that with a few tweaks it could be a super awesome dish, because even though I didn't get it dead on it was still delicious! It really does taste like summer, which is perfect for the arctic summer we're having right now. So, here are some guidelines that you can fiddle around with to create your own epic fish tacos.
Epic Fish Tacos
Mix together in bowl:
Corn
Chopped onion
 Chopped Bell Pepper ( I used green, but I think red would be better)
Cilantro (Preferably freshly cut)
Lime juice

Take your choice of a de-boned white fish and brush both sides with olive oil
Sprinkle each side of fish with cayenne pepper, and fresh ground salt and pepper. Cook fish.








Place fish in middle of warmed whole wheat (or corn) tortilla.



Cover with cut romaine lettuce and corn mixture. Finish with a dollop of fat free sour cream and roll up.

Mine came to around 400 calories and was deeeeelectable.

Something kind of fun that I stumbled on was a "Recipe to make your own album cover". I followed these instructions:     1 - Go to Wikipedia and hit random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band. 2 - Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. 3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days...”. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. 4 - Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together.
I used picnik.com to edit it and I think it turned out pretty awesome. If I ever start a band, I'm going with it. Although, I might end up picking a different band name, because apparently, that's the name of a Puerto Rican dude who attempted to assassinate Pres. Truman, which I'm not endorsing in any way shape or form.

My musical debut. This guy can be in my band anytime. Although, somehow I get the feeling he'd be more into musicals
than Metallica...

Day 15

15 pounds in 15 days! Not too shabby!
That's right, 4 more pounds down this week. 85 more pounds are trembling with fear.


In other news, I took a gander at where the traffic on my site is coming from, and discovered that there seem to be a handful of people being connected to my blog via a site for dental implants..... Yeah. I don't know the connection, but whoever you fine orally challenged folk are, welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy your stay and that you aren't too disappointed that I don't really ever touch on the subject of my teeth, nor have I ever considered dental implants. Good luck on your journey, friends.


I think I'm going to try my own take on this recipe tonight. We have tilapia in the fridge, and this sounded intriguing. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

Day 14

Okay, I promise that if you stick with me one more day, you will be rewarded with a legit blog post. I've had a couple of my fantastic closest friends up in Logan the last couple of nights, which have made for some late, awesome nights!
Today, I had a great day at church and then I went over to Tressa's parents' house and played Just Dance 2 on the Wii  for awhile. It was a decent workout and so much fun! Words can't completely do it justice, so I will use pictures.

You know what, I don't think pictures do it justice either. Let's try video...

 

There. That's better. The all male dance crew on It's Raining Men (the third video) just about killed me. As did my sweater vest and full skirt in the first video. I ended up changing into shorts and a t-shirt because I was DYING. That room turned into a sauna. My guess is that it was the heat coming off those boys shaking their hips. I was impressed. Even as I laughed, I was impressed. If you're looking for a fun, social workout, I recommend this.
I was also reminded of this:

Day 13

I spent a few hours today cleaning, but as I was winding that up, I still felt antsy. So I asked Shelayna if she wanted to hit up the gym tonight and she said heck yes and so we went. After her pants finished drying. It turns out Saturday night is a great night to go to the gym. There were a serious variety of people there. There was a little old man on a treadmill in his suspenders. There were a mom, daughter and granddaughter all working out together. Then there were some very... healthy looking young men. We did a half hour on the treadmills, part of which was spent running. Then we went into the other room and did abs. As we did abs one of the good lookin' men came into the ab room. Then he happened to go back to the other room right as Shelayna and I did and went to a nearby machine. Shelayna turned to me and said, "Do you feel followed?" I told her, "Yes. But, there are some people who I don't mind being followed by."
Then I went to a super crowded party.
Now I'm sitting on my friend's couch while 5 of us let henna dry on us.
It was a good day.
I'm going to have to re-read this tomorrow. I'm pretty darn tired right now. And the fumes from the henna and the clear nail polish that you use to cover the henna while it sets are getting to my head.

Day 12

A'ight, I am pretty sore. It's not as bad now, but this morning... woo doggy.
So, I got up this morning, shoveled and then went to the gym. We did the usual: warm up on treadmills, circuit, thigh and butt machines, and a cool down on the ellipticals. But we also added in some ab work. And our warm up on the treadmill consisted of us curiously choosing an option labeled "5 Minute Fitness Test" on the machines. It took our age, weight, and sex info and administered a "test" that consisted of 5 minutes at a chosen speed, with 4 of those minutes at a 5% incline. Then it took our heart rates and told us how we rate. I scored "Average".

I was actually pretty excited about this. Why celebrate mediocrity, you ask? Because, dangit, I'm barely starting up from my rock bottom. If my rock bottom is even close to "average", then I've got more potential than I thought to be healthy. It also means that my heart is pretty healthy, which means I don't have to stress as much about over working it.

Anyways, they had the temperature up higher than normal in the gym and I was disgusting. It doesn't take a ton to get me sweating, but put me in a sauna like atmosphere and tell me to pump iron and I will guarantee you that you will get impressive sweat results. Then I came home and I literally let out a loud groan and had to brace myself before going up the stairs. My thighs and butt were spent. This is a good thing, because that means I'm building serious muscle, but in the mean time, I would sure like one of those old people chairs that glide them up the stairs.

Day 11

So, I have been having kind of a rough time getting my workout done at home. There's a long ranting story there, but I won't get into it right now. The point is that Shelayna and I have decided to go to the gym more often. We're going to keep on doing the circuit 3 days a week, but now we're going to add in 2-3 days of cardio and ab work. This should also help us to stick closer to an hour at the gym, rather than the 2 hours we've been more inclined to as we just try to squeeze in more and more that we feel we need to do. Shelayna has also been tossing around the word "5K". She's ambitious, that one is. She said it will, "Give us something to work towards." I told her that if she read my blog, like she claimed she did, she would know that it kinda already revolves around something I'm working towards, namely losing 100 pounds. She then mentioned something along the lines of desiring something closer and more tangible to work towards with our gym work. I then gave her a look that said, "I got my honky-tonk badonkadonk out of bed to come to the gym. What else do you want from me?!?" She gave me a look that clearly stated, "You really suck sometimes. I mean seriously." That's when I told her to talk to me in about a month and I may reconsider. So. We'll see.
This leads me into my next item of discussion. Tuesday night Shelayna and I got super ambitious at the gym. We spent a couple hours there. I calculated it on my diet site when I got home and we easily burned off over 1,000 calories. So we decided that we needed a cool down on the treadmills. Most of the cardio machines there take your heart rate when you hold onto the handlebars, so we decided that we'd leave when ours were below 110. Shelayna was struggling to relax, so I started to talk her through a mental exercise to bring your heart rate down. She also got into her own little happy place at the same time. She closed her eyes and put her fingers to the pulse in her neck. Then, with a very tranquil expression on her face, she stopped walking. Apparently, her happy place was somewhere stationary, but that treadmill was still gliding along. I stared in horror with no clue as to what I should say to alert her. I could form no words for what was happening. I just got out something like, "OhmigoshohmigoshOHMYGOsshhhhh" as I flung my arm out and grabbed at her. Right at the last possible nanosecond she opened her eyes and lurched back onto the safety of the machine. Folks, I could NOT stop laughing. I was fairly certain I was about to witness the likes of this:

Epic.

Alright, the poll isn't closed yet, but thus far it looks like those who care enough to vote feel passionately about me posting recipes for ya'll. It's been a few days since I've posted a recipe. I was going to take the lazy route tonight and just have soup for dinner, but then I thought of you devoted twelve voters, and I put the can back on the shelf and looked around the pantry for healthy inspiration. And then, I found it: a can of low fat refried beans. Hey, don't you make that face at me! Stay with me on this one. They're not bad when you do it right. Also, they are high in fiber (duh) and protein, but low on calories. In short, they are filling but won't limit you on fat or calories. Excellent. So, here's what I did:

Steph's Loco Gringo Take On Huevos Rancheros

First I took a whole wheat tortilla and slathered on 1/2 cup of refried beans. Then I put 1/3 cup of canned corn on top of that. After sprinkling 1/8 cup of cheese on there I set it aside.

I then prepared 1/2 cup of Egg Beaters with some chili and cayenne powders, as well as salt n' peppa.When eggs are almost done, I nuked the tortilla and it's current toppings for about 50 seconds. Then I put the egg on top.



I also added a chopped 1/4 cup each of green bell pepper, onion, and tomato. I topped that with 1/2 cup chopped romaine lettuce and finished it off with some salsa. It might just be because I was ready to eat my own shoe leather tonight, but this recipe tasted pretty darn good. And I do think it'd taste much better than simply "edible" even if I wasn't starved. Best part is that it filled me up.

Big day tomorrow. Taking the after school club kids on a much anticipated field trip to go bowling. The activities list on my diet site is pretty extensive. I'm going to have to check and see if it has, "chasing small children while carrying bowling ball."