I don’t even know of any way to preface this whole story, so just pull your safety restraint so it is snug and keep your hands and legs inside the ride at all times. This is going to get bumpy.
So, on May 13th I went to Instacare with a sore throat. They put me on antibiotics for Strep.
We’d been trying to get completely moved out of our Brigham City apartment and into Ben's grandma’s house (She's still in the nursing home, but we're hoping she can come home soon). On about the 15th or 16th, I ended up lifting a box that was too heavy. My stomach tensed, Jack gave a good kick and I kinda panicked that I was hurting him so I twisted weird and hurt my back pretty badly. I'm not sure that I mentioned that I have a fracture in my lower spine that has been causing me grief for years. This just really aggravated it and I had to take it kinda easy for a couple of days.
On Monday, the 20th, our Brigham City landlord called up and was putting pressure on us to get completely moved out of the apartment ASAP. Ben had to work, so I called up my mom and we spent the day cleaning up the apartment. I was trying to be careful so that I didn't further injure my back. Then Ben and I went over again that night and, with some help from his parents, got things completely finished up. I went to bed that night completely exhausted, knowing I had probably over-done it and anticipating being sore the next day.
I was surprised to wake up at about 5 am with a bad pain in my lower right abdomen. I immediately thought of Jack. We called the hospital, but the on-call doctor was one that I had previously had a very bad experience with, so I just said that I’d wait and call back during normal business hours.
I drove Ben over to work in Millville and then went to my parents’ house in Providence to rest. I called my doctor’s office back around 9 and the nurse thought I may have a bladder infection, so she asked me to come in and give a sample.
I drove over to the hospital, gave a sample and then went to Lee’s to pick up some cranberry juice, because I’d heard that it can help with bladder infections. After just walking straight in to give the test, driving across the street and walking straight in to purchase the juice, I drove back up to Grandma Allred's to take some medication I’d forgotten that morning. I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I couldn't even get out of the car to walk into the house. I called up Ben and he was really worried.
I finally made it inside and called the nurse back to find out that the test came back negative. Now I was really worried that there was something wrong with Jack. I called the nurse back again and she told me to go into Labor and Delivery, just in case.
By this point, Ben had called my mom and asked her to drive him to me. I called him up and told him about the change in plans, so we got straight in the car when he arrived and drove to the hospital.
After admitting me, it didn't take them long to figure out that I was having contractions. They gave me some medicine that got the contractions under control and then focused on figuring out what was causing them. (Apparently, lots of different kinds of illness or stress can cause premature contractions) They ran blood tests and figured out that my white blood cell count was a little high. I had a mild fever, that stayed around 99.6. They thought it might be my appendix or gall bladder, so they ordered a complete ultrasound of my organs.
The ultrasound was painful and took over an hour. I would have to hold my breath while they pushed very hard right on the spots where I was hurting the most. In the end, they were able to locate all of my organs, besides my appendix. They said that since they couldn't find it, it was likely not a problem, because if it was swollen they should be able to find it. Quick side note: Organs in the lower torso are difficult to locate on pregnant women because the baby just kind of pushes everything to the side haphazardly.
They decided to keep me overnight for observation. After going over my symptoms in the morning, the nurses seemed confident that I just had a really bad stomach bug, because there had been one going around. Dr Horsley (my OB) seemed to agree with this, but he decided (was inspired) to have a general surgeon come and look at me before they released me.
I was feeling pretty silly by this point. What kind of crazy, paranoid pregnant lady rushes to the hospital with a stomach bug? I really just wanted them to release me so I could go home and suffer this out with what was left of my dignity.
Then the general surgeon, Dr Weiss, came in. We liked him immediately. He is so awesome at making you feel completely comfortable while talking to him. He’s very competent and obviously knew what he was talking about and he was quirky enough to keep things from feeling intense.
After just talking, he seemed to agree with the general stomach bug consensus. Once he started pressing on my abdomen, though, he became concerned and said that he couldn't completely rule out appendicitis. So, he did something for what I later found out was only the second time in his long career: He ordered an MRI on a pregnant woman.
I went into the MRI convinced that it was a serious waste of time and money. Why wouldn't they just let me go home and sleep this off? Ben, on the other hand, was excited for the MRI. He's really into electronics and his wife was about to spend some time inside of a giant, complicated robot! Woo-hoo!
His enthusiasm was contagious. By the time they wheeled me over to the machine, I was pretty excited. This might actually be fun!
It turned out not to be fun at all. It was super claustrophobic, I had to hold completely still for a half hour. It was so loud that they put ear plugs on me. Then they would have me hold my breath for 20 seconds at a time. This may not sound like long, but it felt considerably longer when I was feeling slightly panicky and every deep breath hurt. The longer I lay there, the more excruciating the pain in my back became. My first thought was to sing a hymn in my head while I had to hold my breath. Unfortunately, my panic led me to sing the hymns too fast and then I still had time after I was through to keep holding my breath and, with nothing for my mind to focus on, it became nearly impossible to keep from breathing.
I then tried a different method that actually worked really well. During the breaks in between the deep breaths, I would think of a destination, then, while holding my breath, I would imagine Ben and I having the time our lives at that place. I would keep picturing more and more details until they told me I could breathe again. We went hiking. We had a picnic in a beautiful meadow. My favorite was going to Hogle Zoo and eating cotton candy while we rode the train around to look at the animals and then rode the carousel, where I was on a tiger and Ben was on an ostrich. I believe I received inspiration from the Holy Ghost for this. I was inspired in my moment of great need to know what to do to bring me peace.
Fun fact: MRIs actually emit very little radiation because they use giant magnets. This makes them safer for little babies who are trying to grow.
After the MRI, They wheeled me back to my room and I took a shower to prepare to go home. While I was in the shower, Dr Weiss came and told Ben that I did indeed have acute appendicitis and would be having surgery within the hour. It would be too risky for Jack to do the surgery through a scope, so thy would need to open me up and do it the old fashioned way. We were both shocked that I actually was going to need surgery. One of the first things I said to Ben was that I needed a blessing.
Ben's Grandpa Haws and Uncle Nate showed up to help just in time. The orderlies came in to take me to the OR at about the same time. They kindly stepped out for a moment as I received a blessing. It was beautiful and the Spirit was so strong there. During the blessing, the full weight of what was happening began to sink in. I started crying. Dr Weiss had explained that, while he had never had it happen, this procedure did carry a risk of pre-term labor. At only 22 weeks, I knew that Jack would not survive that.
They just wheeled me down in my hospital bed. Ben came with to meet with the anesthesiologist before the surgery. He explained to us that I would not be going completely under for the surgery. It was safer for Jack if I received a spinal block and remained awake throughout the procedure.
I was near sobs as I hugged Ben tightly one last time and told him that I loved him.
Then it was off to the operating table.
The spinal block is given by a huge shot right in the lower spine. It was quite painful, but it began to work immediately. It completely deadened me from my torso to my toes. I could not feel or control anything. I was paralyzed. They had to put my legs up on the table for me and situate me as I lay down. They hung a blue sheet thing in front of my face so that I could not see what was going on.
The most terrifying thing for me was that they weren't even monitoring Jack throughout the surgery, just once at the beginning and again at the end. The fact was that if anything happened to him, there would be nothing to be done. I never stopped praying for him the entire time.
If you ever are given the option of staying awake through your own surgery, I recommend that you decline. Although I couldn't feel any pain, I could feel a whole lot of strange pulling and tugging. There was even one point where a nurse said, “Oops.”
I’m not even joking.
I had full confidence in Dr Weiss, though, and he didn't seem concerned, so I decided not to be either.
Dr Weiss asked me if I wanted to see my appendix. I hesitantly said, “Sure.” He quickly brought it over the sheet blocking my view.
It was ugly.
One of the nurses told me that she’d seen a lot of appendixes in her day, but that mine was definitely a very bad one.
At one point, the spinal block began to wear off. I could feel some strong pinching near the top of my torso, and Dr Weiss said that my muscles were pushing back. Then they put something in my IV and I transformed into the best patient ever.
I was telling everyone how awesome they are. I was thanking them for doing this for me. I was telling them how wonderfully kind they’d been. At one point, Dr Weiss replied, “Well, we couldn't have done it without you.”
All of this before they’d even stitched me up.
After surgery and a little time in recovery, they took me up to the Women and Baby floor and my parents had showed up to check on me.
The rest of that night and Thursday was a blur of blood samples and doctors and nurses and vitals and IVs and random alarms going off when I got in a deep enough sleep that my breathing slowed.
It was also filled with my favorite noise of all time: My little Jack’s healthy heartbeat.
There was some very scary stuff on Thursday, when they were concerned that I may have blood clots in my lungs, but it doesn't look like I do, so I won’t go into that.
Suffice it to say that Friday morning was my birthday and I woke up bright and happy and ready to be released. I’d been going over the list of what was required for release and trying to show off for the nurses.
“Look at me, I’m keeping real food down now!”
“Look at me, I’m walking unassisted down the hall!”
“Look at me, I’m smiling and happy and obviously doing better than I was before!”
Finally, my doctors okayed me to go home.
Since then, there has been a whole lot of sitting around and popping pills (all of which are approved for taking while pregnant).
For the rest of my pregnancy, I’m not allowed to lift more than 10 lbs, do any sort of repetitive movements involving my torso (like loading the dishwasher) or anything else that requires any kind of exertion. I’m at a much higher risk of having a hernia, so I've got to be very careful, because, c’mon, a hernia AND childbirth? Not even cool.
It’s going to be a long 4 months, but I am just overwhelmed by the miracles that I've experienced.
If they had released me, believing that I just had a stomach virus, I would have gone home and not gone back to the hospital until the pain was bad enough that I was physically incapable of walking. By that point, the consequences would have been devastating for me and especially for Jack. The contractions would have continued, as well.
I can’t even bring myself to think of the “what ifs” of this situation. I am certain that there were angels surrounding us throughout this experience. My doctors were guided and Jack and I were protected.
Whenever I start to be weighed down by these current trials, I find hope again in the Gospel. The eternal perspective it provides means that you are never without hope and reason to rejoice, no matter the circumstance.
I think Elder Jeffrey R. Holland puts it very well in this video:
