It's been an emotional roller-coaster, but this is truly a different child and a different pregnancy. My morning sickness was much more mild and has gone away almost completely now.
I am so in love with this beautiful child.
I've been blessed with a compassionate doctor who has been very sensitive to my situation this time around. I've had 3 ultrasounds so far, the first one at 6 weeks, and they checked on everything. For reals. They were checking blood flow to me and the baby and the angle the baby was at and so much more.
Both me and the baby are perfectly healthy.
Here's the thing: This is week 16. This is the point where I lost my Joseph.
This alone would be very difficult, but we are also in the process of saying goodbye to Ben's grandpa, who we both love very much. I keep thinking about him seeing Joseph and I just fall apart.
I am so grateful to know that he will see our Joseph. He will be able to talk to him face to face and tell him how much his mom and dad love him.
This is something that I know that Joseph already knows, but which I would give anything to be able to say directly to him. The thought of someone who I know being able to bring that message to him for us is so beautiful and comforting that it hurts.
I know that Grandpa Allred understands this love very well. He and grandma lost a newborn son many years ago, and he still tears up talking about it. They have three living sons, but lately when asked how many children he has, he has been saying, "Four sons." He knows that he's about to be reunited with the son he's missed for about half of a century.
I long for the day when I will get to see grandpa again. I know that he will be healthy and happy and no longer struggle to remember things.
Considering that he dedicated his life to working as an elementary teacher, principal, and an incredible grandfather, I don't think it's much of a stretch to assume that he will also be surrounded by those pure souls who are on the other side of the veil, my Joseph and his son, Kent, being two of them.
I am grateful beyond words for my Savior, who broke the bonds of death.
This life is just a beautiful, but finite, portion of an infinite plan for each of us.
But, even knowing this, missing those who we are parted from is the most difficult part of mortality.
So, I dedicate this song to my Joseph. It's one that I've sung to him many times since sending him on his next journey.
My love will fly to you each night on angels' wings. I know that one of those angels will soon be Grandpa Allred.
As far as anyone who knows him is concerned, he has already been an angel here on earth for years.
I'm also grateful for the example of his loving, eternal companion. She's made it obvious that she understands this is just a temporary separation from the man that treats her like his queen.
Love is eternal.
