Today is a very difficult day.
Today I just looked in the mirror and then cringed and looked away. It just seems like the amount of effort and results on paper do not equal visible results. I've lost around 5 inches off of my waist and less than an inch off of my hips. Only, I don't really have hips so it's just moved my belly down a little bit. This is not flattering at all.
Then there are some things that I'm not sure losing weight will help.
When it comes right down to it, today I just feel completely un-beautiful, un-attractive, and pathetic.
This may come as a surprise to some. I've always tried to act confident and self-assured at all times.
I'm in one fantastic loop of awful. What I really want right now is to drown my tears in chocolate. Then I realize that I can't have that. So I get more distraught. Then I cry some more. Then I look in the mirror to fix my make-up and cringe and look away. Then I want chocolate, again. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
I am a ridiculous creature.
I'm sharing this with you, because when I set out on this blog, my goal was to provide an accurate depiction of my weight loss journey. A very small part of this journey is physical. A much larger part is scaling mental mountains that I have been set up over two decades.
Anyone with hiking experience will say that some mountains are more difficult to climb than others.
I've got to go to work now, but I'm going to try and think of happy things to do a bonus post on tonight.
As always, hugs are gladly accepted and appreciated.
Oh Steph, I know the kind of day you mean, because that's exactly how I feel today! I think being down about our bodies is just an unfortunately natural part of being a woman, especially in a heavily media influenced world. I so admire you for all the hard work you've done and think you look great! Try to cheer up and I will try too. :)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite hike is the the Y above Provo. Somedays I get so pumped to climb, and I can't even make it half way. Others I've just done it off a whim, complained the whole time but somehow managed to make it to the very tippy top. You're right when you say some mountains are harder to climb. You are doing great. Regardless if you can't physically see it, your body is changing from the inside out and you are making tremendous progress and more than most people make. You are just having a down day. We all have them. I look in the mirror and feel the same way, and try to do my hair and put on make up which just ends of making everything worse. Those are the days are filled with long hours of Gilmore Girls.
ReplyDeleteCheer up! You could always be gaining weight in a VERY unflattering way, like some. I've developed the greatest beer-belly-look in all history and I'm still growing....yet somehow people think I'm beautiful still. Just remind yourself that regardless of your personal perceptions of what beauty should be, you were made by someone who has a true understanding of beauty and lots of experience making it. :)
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