Day 70

Part of having a healthier lifestyle is doing something that sounds fairly basic: Spend less time sitting down.

As the amount of snow on the ground outside shrinks and as I become more healthy, this is just becoming a natural process. Earlier today I was about to go into my room to sit down at the computer and type up a blog post for the day. On the way, I looked outside and realized there was still a good deal of sunlight. I slipped on some shoes, grabbed a basketball, and headed out back to shoot some hoops. An hour later I was about 20 for 1000. I had also gotten a great cardio workout chasing down my consistently errant shots. 

My stuttering years coincided
with my"epic bangs" years

While I love to workout and be active with others, I've found an upside to doing so by myself. It gives my mind a chance to wander and get as close to thinking of absolutely nothing as my mind can ever get. There are a constant flood of thoughts swarming around my mind. It's mostly like an extremely swift moving internal monologue. I believe this is why I ended up in speech therapy for 3 years during elementary school. I would try to get my thoughts out as quickly as they went through my mind and my mouth couldn't keep up. The result was a 6 year old who talked ridiculously fast and would stutter and spit out, "andandand" mid-thought before taking off on a completely different tangent. I had no idea that I was doing this, because in my head it all flowed so nicely. One of the most effective techniques in fixing my problem was when the speech therapist, Mrs. Rulis, would simply turn on a tape recorder under the desk before I came into the room. After I came in she'd just get me talking. Then she would pull out the tape recorder and play back our conversation for me to listen to. I was always surprised by how all over the place I was during our conversation. There are still times in my life when I can hear Mrs. Rulis in my head telling me to, "Take a deep breath. Focus on what you want to say. Speak slowly." That is why having a real conversation is exhausting to me. I love it, as any of you that have met me in real life have no trouble believing. However, it requires a great deal of concentration for me to really listen to what the other person is saying and stay on topic. 

I recognize that part of this is just my own built in quirk. Then there's another part of it that is completely to blame on my lack of a Y chromosome. I deduced this after a couple of relationships, particularly my first one. We would frequently have conversations something like this:

Me: ...and that's when I discovered that I don't hate all cheese, just American.(A few moments of comfortable silence.) So, what are you thinking about?

Him: Nothin', really.

Me: Oh come on, you must be thinking about something.

Him: Not really. I just like listening to you talk. (Bless his heart.)

Me: Well, that's sweet. I know that you're listening to me, but what is going on in your head while I'm talking.

Him: Seriously? Not a lot. 

Me: Well you have to be thinking about something. You're not dead, so there must be thoughts going on in your head.

Him: Not always. What would I be thinking about, anyway?

Me: I don't know, that's why I asked. Sports, religion, politics, insects, trees?

Him: Trees?

Me:  You do landscaping. Heck, why not think about them?

Him: Because we weren't even talking about trees, or any of those other things for that matter. Why would I think about them?

Me: Because you're alive! That's why! (Lapse back into silence.) So, what are you thinking about now?

Him: Sigh Trees, Steph. I am thinking about trees.

After a few more interactions with the male species, I discovered that it was not just that one boy. It was every one of them that I met. They were all capable of thinking about absolutely nothing at all.

While I am not capable of replicating the wonderfully vast void in my mind that men can so easily access, I have found that through physical exercise by myself that does not require much concentration, I can slow down the raging torrent, to more of a meandering creek.

This past week has been pretty stressful, but those times when I can slow my thoughts have provided an amazing amount of stress relief.

So, men, enjoy your free pass to the abyss. As for my fellow females, if you feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of thoughts in your head, try spending some time with just yourself and a basketball and a hoop.