Day 52

Calories burned at the gym today: 669

Anyone who has spent any real amount of time around me knows that I embarrass very easily. I recently shared one embarrassing moment, but the sad fact is that there are plenty more where that came from. I dread the question, "What was your most embarrassing moment?" Not because I don't get embarrassed, but because it happens so often that I've gotten used to shrugging them all off.

However, for tonight's post I have dug deep and come up with a few things that have managed to make me blush over the years.

I'll first tell you about the time I became conscious of how easily my face turns red. Travel with me back to my 7th grade biology class.

I was sitting next to my crush. I was going through a bit of a bad boy phase. The teacher was reading out of the textbook. Every time she would come to the word "organism", my crush would would mutter a word that sounds similar, but has a completely different definition. As almost any 7th grade girl would, I felt really uncomfortable, but I didn't think it was terribly obvious. That belief was forever shattered when the teacher stopped class to snap my crush's name followed by, "If you make Stephanie blush one more time, you are going to be in big trouble!" I literally sank down in my seat until just my head was visible above my desk. By then I could actually feel how hot my face was turning.

Let's go a bit further back. When I was in 5th grade my family took a vacation down to Florida. While there we hit all the standard destinations. One day we went to Sea World. Being a 5th grade girl, I was psyched about getting into every single "splash zone" that I could. Unfortunately, Sea World is a big place that requires a lot of walking. This caused my jeans to rub my skin on my thighs right off. I was in serious pain. By the time that evening came around I was in tears. We had a luau reserved for that night and our hotel was way too far to go there and back before the luau. After an incredible amount of persuasion, my mom got me to agree to wearing an over-sized Sea World t-shirt that she bought and then just take my pants off. She assured me that no one would notice and everyone would just assume that I was wearing short shorts underneath it. I figured that once we got to the luau I would just be sitting down at a table the whole time anyway, so it shouldn't be too bad. And that i exactly how it went. Until they went around and picked people to come up on stage with the hula dancers and learn how to "shake it". I've never feared the lime light, and any other time this would sound like a lot of fun to me. But this was not some other time. This time I just wanted to stay calmly sitting in the audience. But then a cute Polynesian dude walked up to me and grabbed my arm. I initially shook my head no, but my dad was already popping the lens cap off of the video camera and my mom was waving me on. So I went. On stage. With no pants. To shake my butt in front of a room filled with people. All these years, my only comfort has been the thought that I will never see any of those people ever again. But don't you worry, because my dad got it all on film. Note how conscious I am of my shirt. Note the announcer instructing us "Hands in the air! Bend your knees... shake it..." Note my little brother's voice mocking me for having to go on stage right before the video ends. Try not to note the socks and sandals.

Fortunately, the video was taken at an angle that didn't give me away too badly. I fear that people at different angles had a rather less innocent view. 

Now let's travel to a much more recent time. This past summer I took a trip to Washington DC. The people I went with and I decided we should use public transport while there to save money. I didn't want to seem like somebody that could be kidnapped, raped, and/or mugged, so I made an effort to look confident in all that I did. So, when the bus pulled up I confidently stepped on and began scoping out a seat. All of the sudden I hear my travel companions call out my name. I turn around to see an aghast bus driver. I couldn't figure out what was wrong for the life of me. Then the guys I was with explained that they had the money to pay for all of us and put it in the box. 

Oh.

Flustered, I attempted to explain that where I am from the buses are free. That sent the whole bus into riotous laughter. People actually repeated what I said out loud incredulously. One of them called out, "Jus' where the **** you from, girl!" I muttered Utah and that got a new round of laughs. Scarlet faced, I shuffled to the back of the bus, and eventually the laughter died down. Then my travel mates took this picture of me:

So much for confidence.

Then there are the thousands of times that smaller things have happened, like today when I looked down at work and realized my fly was down and I was wearing skin colored undies. Heaven only knows how long that was going on. 

The key to remaining humble is to constantly stay humiliated. The most important part, though, is something that my dad has instilled in me since I was very small: Don't be afraid to be the first and last one laughing at yourself. 

And get a thicker foundation if you wear makeup and slather it on. This should help to dim your glow a bit.