Day 51

Calories burned at the GYM today: 580

That's right! I was back in action at the gym today! I did H***'s Gazelles, some abs, and then I spent a few minutes on the new legit stair-masters that they have. Well, kind of legit. The movement on them definitely resembles walking up the stairs, but they have elliptical-like things to put your feet on and then you just move your feet in a stair motion. The the real work comes in controlling your leg, though. When you have it on higher resistance, you have plenty of time to tell your leg to stop and move backwards at the appropriate time. If you just go crazy fast on no resistance, though, it does not stop on it's own before smacking the front of the machine loud enough to draw the attention of every fellow gym-goer within a 50 yard radius. In order to avoid this, you must exercise an incredible amount of control in your legs to change momentum mid-stride. I'm still not sure if the higher or lower resistance is more work.

People have always told me that life begins after high school. Up until my life began after high school, I never believed them. That girl seems like an old friend now. I just feel so distanced, even though she's only 5 years gone. I thought I'd take some time to remember that girl.

She was obsessed with boys. As I read back on what little journal writing she did during those years, it is absurd how many of those entries are about the flavor of the year.

She did not get along with her mom, at all. Fortunately, some things change.

She was a headstrong little spitfire of a flash of lightning.

She had very short hair.

She was fiercely religious. Seminary was her favorite class period. Young Women's was her favorite part of the week. A lot of this was due to her then-recent activation in church. She still had so much to learn about even the basics, and she soaked it all up like a dry sponge. I miss that fervor sometimes.

She hated math.

She loved acting, but experienced a lot more pain than she ever let on at the fact that she never clicked with the other kids in drama. She even ended up on the Thespian Council her Senior year, but she was never accepted or taken seriously by the others, so for once in her life she learned how to blend into the background and not be noticed. On one drama trip she sat alone in the front of the bus and quietly cried while the rest of the kids partied in the back without her. She never told anyone about that. Months later a group of people who had been on the trip were reminiscing. As soon as she tried to contribute, a girl cut her off and said, "Wait, you were on that trip? Wow. I can't believe I don't remember you being there at all."

For how beautiful she was, even considering the awkward puberty stages, she worried way more about her weight and body than she should have. She believed she was ugly. In short, she was a teenage girl.

She had the best friends she could have ever asked for to get her through high school. They were a bunch of kids with similar standards who got together every single weekend to watch movies and occasionally leave a saran-wrapped person on a doorstep. That group worked together to get everyone laughing through every hard time that high school could throw at them.

Her closest friend was Tressa. Fortunately, some things don't change.

When with her friends, she loved having the position of the loud, funny, hyper girl.

She was convinced that it was her destiny to be married and birthing children by the end of age 18. Thank all that is good that she was so wrong about this one.

She inherited her parents' '97 Pontiac Grand Prix and loved driving it around at every single given opportunity.

She was a major fan of Lord of the Rings. The movies, not the books. She had (has) all of the extended editions and watched all of the commentary and extra features. She was in love with Billy Boyd (Pippin) because he was the one she could relate to the most. She let one of her friends talk her into super gluing the tops of her ears together into points, like hobbits. For a roadshow at church one time they needed a Frodo. She was the obvious choice and was over-joyed at the opportunity to tape yarn to her bare feet, wear a brown curly wig, and talk in a terrible accent. In short, she was one of the cool kids. Definitely.

Folks, I couldn't make this crap up.
This is an actual journal entry I just flipped back to.
I was one sick case.

She graduated from high school having never been kissed. (After what you just learned about her, go figure, eh?)

She hated math and she was horrible at it.

She had a great passion for English and developed a deep and lasting appreciation of poetry and Shakespeare. The intricate mechanics of the language have always been more of a struggle.

Her Senior year she took a service trip with a club down to Mexico to build a house and put in electricity and plumbing. This trip was one of the best decisions she ever made in her life and had a profound impact on her.

The only thing I really miss about high school is having all of my friends so accessible. There were a whole lot of lows during those four years, outside of my social life. But, for all of that, I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. They gave me so much wisdom and experience to build upon. 

So, here's to you High School Steph. Overall, you were a pretty awesome kid. Put away your angst and look around you every once in awhile. Life is awesome. 

And you are really beautiful.

My Skin

This is my skin that you see.

It is dark and rough as cork,

And light and soft as porcelain.

It is oily and zit ridden

And dry and cracked.

It is scarred in places

Where the world has cut in.

It is perfect in spots

I have saved from harm.

My skin is what you see,

But don't be distracted by

All that is on view.

Under all this skin 

There is a heart, a mind

A soul. Within is love,

Hate, jealousy, and sympathy.

There is a core that is strong,

Solid, immovable, and walled.

My skin is what you can see,

But don't be distracted

By the poor wrapping job

Or you will never really see me.

Written By Me 

February 2006