Today's run was really, really difficult.
It was the same run, at the same speed, on the same treadmill as I've done several other times now, but this time I hit a wall.
I was going along alright and then all these negative thoughts started creeping into my mind. Seemingly out of nowhere I began to question why on earth I thought I could do this. I thought about my goals, and the fight I've had so far for them and the knowledge that it's not about to get any easier. In fact, it's only going to get harder when I begin training outside. It will feel like a step back. I began to wonder if the other people in the gym were watching me and thinking that I am too fat to be running, or other hurtful things.
At around 1 1/2 miles I felt tears beginning to roll down my face.
The only thing I wanted to do right then was quit.
I don't know how to word this so that it doesn't sound corny, but it comes directly from my heart. I thought about you and everyone else reading my blog. I thought about every person who has taken the time to encourage me. I thought about every person over the last few months who have began taking the steps to improve their health because they see that it is possible. I thought of how disappointed everyone would be if I stopped here.
I came to the realization that I'm not doing this just for myself anymore.
After I came to that realization, I knew that I had to keep on running. I have to finish. By focusing on all of you, and with a little help from The Killers, I made it to 3 miles. In fact, I sped up a couple mph for the last quarter mile.
What I'm getting at is this:
I really could not do this without all of the support and love that I've been receiving.
You've inspired me.
Thank you.
And again, thank The Killers.
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