Time For Change -or- Bring It On part 2

My relapse into my fat clothes started long before I ended up shopping in the maternity section.

Last fall I wasn't running anymore, I was finally in a wonderful relationship with someone who loved me for exactly how I already looked, I started a somewhat stressful job, and I began the, er-hem, relaxing task of planning my wedding and post-wedding life.

Then there was the holiday season.

And the honeymoon period.

Around March it dawned on me that my body was past the point where I was comfortable with it, and I should probably try to be healthier. I was just getting back into healthy meal planning when I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. Immediately I decided that I was going to really get healthy, for my baby's sake.

Then came severe morning sickness.

Now I know that part of this was from an increasingly severe infection developing in my body. All I knew at the time was that if it stayed down, it was fair game. And, oh yeah, bouncing around exercising? Not likely. This resulted in me not losing all that much weight during this time.

Then I started gaining weight and inches in earnest because, well, I was pregnant, and that's what pregnant ladies do: they grow.

Then I became even more sick.

Then I delivered Joseph.

Then I buried Joseph.

These past few weeks I've just been eating whatever the heck I feel like eating. I figure it's yet another manifestation of, "I have no control over the fact that I can't have what I really want, so I'm going to take everything else that I kind of want, because I can."

Then I realized that none of my pants fit me. The logical next step was to go shopping. But none of those fit me either.

Then I cried.

Then I started making changes.

We are now the proud owners of 3/4 of the produce section at Macey's, and I've incorporated all of it into our meals that I've actually been making from scratch. I've been eating on smaller plates with smaller forks, because that makes my brain think I'm eating more. Snacks have leaned more towards fruit and less towards junk.

Then I went out and bought this DVD:

I did the beginner workout and loved it! The only problem is that, in the two days since then, my body has been so ridiculously sore in those exact areas that the DVD focused on that I'm not capable of doing the routine again, although I tried this morning. Other than being a really awesome workout, some other things I love about the DVD are:

1) Like most workout DVDs they have the trainer with the unattainable body doing the workout. Unlike other DVDs, they have people like me working out behind them. This is great because, not only does it make me feel less self conscious, it also has the psychological, "Well, if HE can do it..." effect. 

2) Ben will wake up early to do the workout with me before he goes to work. And it challenges him, too. So, unlike when we go for a run, he is not my cheerleader, he is a fellow struggler and fighter.

While I will definitely be using that DVD, I've also renewed my gym membership. Now there is no excuse when I'm too sore from one specific workout, or it's too hot outside, or whatever else I can come up with. The gym is air conditioned and has a large variety of equipment, so I just look in the mirror, tell myself to man up, and go get my sweat dripping.

I found an elliptical machine today that lets me monitor my heart rate. This meant that I could check throughout my workout to make sure I wasn't wimping out. I kept my heart rate in the neighborhood of 150 for a solid half hour.

Basically, what it comes down to is this: It's back on, baby.

My body was given to me as a gift. It stands as a temple, honoring the One who made it. I'm in charge of the maintenance of this temple, and I will be accountable for everything that is done with it. 

My body is still capable of so much, I just need to keep working for it. 

Right now I'm not weighing myself, Honestly, I don't even want to know how far I've strayed. It doesn't matter. This body is going to be healthy and capable. I'm focusing on losing fat, and building muscle, including my heart.

I owe it to my Father.

I owe it to my husband.

I owe it to my future children.

I owe it to myself.

I owe it to Joseph not to completely fall apart.

Once again I say, Bring It On.